


Shadows

by imaginaryWarrior



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Angst I guess, Drabble, Gen, john is not an easy character for angst i thought, look how wrong i was, who even knows man
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-11
Updated: 2013-04-11
Packaged: 2017-12-08 05:23:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 460
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/757551
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/imaginaryWarrior/pseuds/imaginaryWarrior
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When the shade that normally inhabits his land comes in at night, his own thoughts come out to mimick its darkness.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Shadows

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first Homestuck fanfiction so I would appreaciate constructive critism, not flames. This basicly comes from me thinking not even John could be stupidly happy all the time.
> 
> Homestuck and all its characters belong to Andrew Hussie

He would never admit it to Jade, or Nannasprite, or anyone really, because he doesn't like it when others worry, and he is the friend leader and can take care of it himself, but before he falls asleep all he can think of is how his friends died. How it was his fault because a friend leader needs to protect them. 

No matter what they say to him, he knows that this whole fiasco is probably his fault. He was the one who wanted to play the game, and dragged his friends into the whole convoluted mess that happened after it. (Oh, he knows it's stupid to be blaming himself for a universal constant, but he and his friends literally had the fate of an entire new universe in their hands and he was the leader and he should have made sure nothing bad happend and then maybe they wouldn't have to bust into a new universe and try to fix their mistakes there too.) 

The shadows that writhe and wriggle on the walls match the dark thoughts in his brain, he can’t help but think. The shadows themselves remind him of Rose and her descent into grimdarkness, and how he had promised to save her from it, but really couldn’t because he was only thirteen (Fifteen now, the little vindictive voice in his head grumbles). Its times like this, when he lays there at night, that he thinks maybe he would have been more suited to the darkness of Derse, surrounded by the horrorterrors, rather than the light of Prospit. 

When he wakes up all the dark thoughts will be locked away where ever they go during the day, but for now he just has to deal, because he is still their friend leader even though they are separated by years and miles, and he has to be the moral of the group. Still, he thinks, how can he be the moral like this, when he doesn't even know how to make himself feel better when he thinks of how he practically caused the death of his father, and how it it weren't for him then maybe, just maybe, some other kids would have gottne the game and he and his friends wouldn't have had to grow up, and live through a lifetime of hurt in just a day. 

But now it’s nighttime (Or at least the time his internal clock says it is, in the unchanging stretch of yellow yard) and those dark thoughts, the ones that cut him where it hurts the most and repeat his darkest fears in taunting tones, get free reign as he lays back in his bed on LOWAS and watches the shadows dance on the walls, mimicking the darkness in his head.


End file.
